Enough About Being a Dad
Father’s Day is just around the corner and this post has been on my mind as I reflect on the privilege of being a Dad.
“Your life will change the instant you see that baby.”
This advice was given to me more than once before our children were born.
There is one thing thing that I disagree with: “that baby”
In our case, it should have been “those babies”
My wife and I, like many people, didn’t have the easiest path to parenthood. We are healthy individuals, but faced challenges that necessitated intervention via IVF (in vitro fertilization).
It took us five tries to get our two little blessings (Twins!). It was worth the tears, injections, prayers, and credit card points.
I recall walking through a store (maybe after failed IVF attempt number three or four) and observing a parent berating their toddler. I can still see the look of anger (over something trivial) on the parents face and the look of confusion and belittlement on the child’s. My fists clenched as my own anger arose inside of me.
I remember thinking: this (bad word) doesn’t appreciate their kid to the point of verbally abusing the child. What a piece of (bad word).
Meanwhile, two morally decent people can’t get pregnant?!? This isn’t fair.
Well, life isn’t fair.
Seven and half years and several new grey hairs later, I couldn’t be more fulfilled with the honor of being a Father.
When milk is spilled, stains are made or tired, hungry kids turn into gremlins I remember my feelings that day in the store.
I take a deep breath and remember to appreciate the fact that I have the privilege of being a patient, composed yet firm parent.
Life does change the instant you see your first child born
My job turned into a career. Our house became a home. My sense of humor (especially now having daughters) certainly cleaned up. My decisions no longer affect my wife and I. They affect our family.
I began living for more than myself.
For many, the prospect of being a Father can be intimidating or even overwhelming. I think this is natural, and probably a good thing.
Ever feel nervous or anxious before giving a speech? How about before playing in the big game (or any game)?
A memorable moment from Rocky V was when Balboa explained to Tommy Gunn “Frankie Fear”
Rocky V: Definitely NOT the best Rocky movie, but it had it’s moments
“Fear is a fighter’s best friend,” Stallone’s Rocky tells Tommy Gunn, a talented but raw young fighter the elder Rocky trains in Rocky V.
“It ain’t nothing to be ashamed of. See, fear keeps you sharp, it keeps you awake, you know, it makes you want to survive.”
While I don’t look at parenthood as something that elicits fear, I do look at it as playing in the big game.
I want to bring the thunder and walk off the field knowing that I gave it my all.
As a Father, I have a mission to uphold to my children. Be the best man in their life that I can possibly be, so that anything less than that just seems wrong.
This serves two goals for me:
Continue to be the the man that I promised my wife on our wedding day.
Set the bar high for the spouse that my children will someday choose.
Being Dad is just not enough. Without getting on a soap box, I feel that the “portrayal” of a Father (specifically in media) is lack luster.
I was blessed to have a Father and Mother that set the bar high for my brother and I. While I can write another blog about Mom (maybe Mother’s Day 2024?), I can tell you that my Dad is The Man.
(he may even have future contributions to the EAI Blog)
He’s not Ward Cleaver, or Mike Brady; he is the the man I want to be.
Dads are not supposed to be perfect, but I’d take this example over anything on TV today.
My dad can fix anything, or figure out how to fix it.
Despite working hard, he always made time for his family.
He serves others before himself.
He loves my mother, and I can tell so by his actions, and not just by his words.
He’s not perfect, and that makes him human. He has his own fears and anxieties, just like everyone else.
Our children are watching us closer than we might think. What kind of example are we setting for them?
They need to see that it’s normal for a gentleman to open the door for another.
It’s normal to use manners and look people in the eye.
It’s normal to do the right thing when nobody’s looking.
It’s normal to have feelings and be able to share them.
It’s normal to look at life with an eye for curiosity and sense of humor because life is both incredible and ridiculous.
It’s normal to to hold yourself to a standard and have the self-discipline to do so out of the appreciation for the life you were given.
I’m certainly not perfect. I’m a constant work in progress but If I walk the above talk, then my mission as a Father will be accomplished.
If this is the example that I set, then behaviors that are contrary to the above will seem abnormal to my daughters, and hopefully turn them off to those who display the opposite.
Parenthood is a journey
We’re only seven years into our journey and I am grateful for each day that I am given to take another step on this path.
I know that there will be ups and downs, great joys and great sorrows in our future.
This journey is what my wife and I dreamed of. It’s our shared purpose and the greatest commitment that we’ve made together as a manifestation of our love.
The sleepless nights with tearful babies and warming bottles have turned into piano recitals, with tears of pride welling up in my eyes as I watch my two little monkeys take the stage with courage.
I’m excited to cheer my girls on and support them throughout whatever life may have in store for them. It’s the best seat in the house!
Enjoy your journey. Fatherhood is a beautiful, challenging, and rewarding gift. Remember to cherish this gift and show appreciation for it in all that you do. It’s worth it.