Is there a better name for: Midlife Crisis?
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Bloggers Note: This post will not share any tips or pearls on how to save space in your garage or decide between a traditional home theater or Sonos system.
In fact, you may not find this one very interesting at all, as it’s purely a post that I’ve written in self-reflection.
If you are, however, in your middle-age feeling a bit introspective, then this post may just be for you. Please enjoy!
I’m now well into my 40th year, and I’ve had some time to reflect on what it means to be at the midlife milestone. The truth is, I don’t think that midlife is all that it’s cracked up to be.
It certainly isn’t a crisis!
Natural disasters, wars, famines, and pandemic toilet paper shortages are true crises. Turning 40 doesn’t seem all that bad.
From the website myonrecord.com, The term “midlife crisis” was coined by Elliott Jaques, a Canadian psychoanalyst, in 1965 as a “transition of identity and self-confidence” that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically 45 to 65 years old.
It is described as a psychological crisis brought about by events that highlight a person’s growing age, inevitable mortality, and possibly a lack of accomplishments in life.
This may produce feelings of intense depression, remorse, and high levels of anxiety; the desire to achieve youthfulness or make drastic changes to their current lifestyle; or the wish to change past decisions and events.
Whoa, that last part is awfully grim.
I always thought that a midlife crisis was just a guy losing touch with his youth yet still clinging to what he perceives as “cool.”
This perception typically leads to the purchase of a sports car, a leather jacket, a random earring, and the “over-adoption” of today’s latest fashion trends.
I laugh at the guy trying in vain to stay relevant by using his midlife income stream to purchase the perception of youth.
Ha! So pathetic.
I guess my above observation is synonymous with what Elliott Jaques would describe as the “transition of identity and self-confidence.”
As I reflect even further, I begin to feel a tinge of guilt for my criticism of the midlife crisis. I even feel like I’m being, gasp, a hypocrite.
I recently went skiing with one of my best friends from college. We talked about our families and careers and laughed about stories from our time during undergrad.
We then talked about work-life balance and the fact that we are, in fact, at the beginning of our midlife crisis.
My response:
“It sure doesn’t feel that way…”
“You’re supposed to buy an overpriced sports car, dress like a hipster, and party like a rock star.”
“I bought a practical electric vehicle, still refuse to buy clothes unless they’re on sale, and have a tough time staying up past 11.”
I still have this sinking feeling, though, that I am, in fact, slipping into the definition of “midlife crisis.” I might not have a corvette or a jacket that The Fonz would envy, but maybe my crisis is manifesting in other ways?
Could the following be the manifestation of my midlife crisis:
Health:
I grew up playing sports, and I was fortunate enough to play college football. Fitness, competitive sports, and movement have been joys, not requirements, in my life.
I’m like a Labrador: if I don’t move enough during the day, I will begin to chew up the furniture.
I try to hit the gym, bike, or running trail almost daily, and I don’t do it out of a health need; I do it because it makes my mind and body feel peaceful. The health benefits are secondary.
My perspective on health continues to evolve.
There was a time in my life when the gym and track represented a place that was a tool for achieving athletic goals. I wanted to push myself to the limit and achieve a physique that would allow me to perform at the my physical peak.
"My instinct was to win, eliminate anyone who is in competition, destroy my enemy, and move on without any kind of hesitation at all."
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
This was the quote on the poster in my high school-aged bedroom that summarized my drive.
Though reading it still gives me chills, and I admire Arnold’s competitive drive, it no longer summarizes my fitness goals.
My fitness goals have evolved into an appreciation for the ability to be active.
This is a perspective that my wife has shared with me. Having lost friends and family members when they were much too young, the gift of daily activity is no longer something I take for granted.
Mobility:
Flexibility is the best ability.
Stretching used to be what you did before and after practice. Now, it’s something I do to correct the wrongs that I’ve done to my body by sitting at a desk, driving for long periods of time, or slouching while watching TV.
I’ve read several of Dr. Kelly Starrett’s books on mobility and have had many “ah ha!” moments. His techniques have been instrumental in helping me overcome the self-inflicted daily damage that I cause through sedentary time.
Longevity:
Dr. Peter Attia and his podcast, The Drive, have been among my favorite podcasts on Spotify. Dr. Attia’s book Outlive is a must-read. He was also featured on a fantastic Disney+ series starring Chris Hemsworth titled Limitless, which tackles the rigors and thresholds of the human body. The most powerful episodes were at the end, when Chris and Dr. Attia investigated aging and, ultimately, death. Two things that we will all face.
Bicep curls are no longer for the beach.
I now look at fitness and lifestyle adaptations as preparation for someday picking up my grandchildren or, God willing, great-grandchildren!
Supplementation:
A few of my other podcast heroes are Andrew Huberman and Tim Ferris. Both hosts feature MDs, PHDs and health experts presenting data on safe and effective supplements one can take to augment a healthy diet. PS, supplementation is one of a multitude of useful topics they cover.
There is so much information on these topics that it can become overwhelming. Their ability to provide research-backed evidence, not “fad scripture,” helps demystify many common supplement practices.
If one’s body is analogous to a car, then it makes perfect sense to add the correct fuel and ensure that all of the fluids are properly topped off to keep your rig running at its peak for as many miles as possible.
Financial Outlook:
In my early years, like most young people, my financial goal was: to make a bunch of money.
Sounds like a pretty clear goal, right?
Clear as mud.
Upon reaching the midlife mark, my financial goals have truly come into focus.
After achieving the most basic of needs: food, water, and shelter, the rest can now go towards the main objective: FREEDOM
Financial freedom represents several luxuries to me. The most priceless luxury is time.
Time to spend with my family, as my children won’t be small for very long. Each day that passes is one day closer to when they’ll be off to live their lives outside of our home.
Time to experience the joys of the world via travel, food, culture, and the great outdoors.
Time for self-improvement through education, fitness, and spirituality
Time to give back via coaching, teaching, and charitable work.
Career:
I enjoy my career and am thankful for the opportunities and challenges that it provides me. Some days are more challenging than others, but I genuinely enjoy what I do and am not in a hurry to leave it all behind.
I view my career as a vehicle for wealth accumulation. My income allows me to purchase financial assets, or “employees,” which in turn are working around the clock for me to accumulate additional wealth, i.e., “freedom.”
For more information on this, please refer to My Journey to Passive Real Estate Syndication and Whole Life Insurance is My Financial Swiss Army Knife.
“We all have at least the potential to make more money in the future, we can never go back and recapture time that is now gone. So it makes no sense to let opportunities pass us by for fear of squandering our money. Squandering our lives should be a much greater worry.”
-Bill Perkins
Author: Die with Zero
Creativity:
When I’m not working or focused on my family, I try to spend my time in a creative space. My wife will attest to the fact that I have a hard time sitting still.
In fact, when I was in 4th grade, my teacher taped me to the chair!
I’m not by any means a musician, but I enjoy tinkering with the guitar and am inspired while watching my daughters play the piano.
Heck, Enough About It has been a fantastic creative outlet! I built a website, pursued creative writing (on my own time), designed a tri-blend t-shirt to sell, and even edited videos with voiceover. EAI has been a blast!
After reflecting on all of the above, am I really in the midst of a crisis?
My answer: NO!
In fact, I feel quite the opposite. Life has been an incredible teacher. Each day is a new lesson.
Time and experience help me establish a focused picture of the type of balance that is needed to achieve my harmonious life.
This balance, as described in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a lifelong journey.
Sure, maybe I’m not as “cool” as I once thought I was. Or maybe I've just matured to the point where as long as I’m a person of integrity, I don’t care what others think of me.
I accept the fact that I can’t change the mistakes I’ve made in the past; I can only learn from them. All I can do is control my actions today.
This mindset helps me walk on the path of wisdom and not dwell on regret, which leads to depression, as described by Elliot Jaques.
I will never run as fast or lift as much as I did when I was 22, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t get out there and play.
Maybe things aren’t all downhill after midlife? So why does it have such a negative stigma?
I think we need a better term for this period of life:
Focused Forties
The Era of Enlightenment
Basecamp…I think this is my favorite.
standing at the base of Half Dome, Yosemite National Park in 2013.
I conclude this reflection on a work flight from Chicago back to California. I’ll get home late, with my wife and daughters fast asleep.
Looking down at the world from an airplane always reminds me how insignificant we and our insecurities truly are.
It felt good to take Ferris Bueller’s advice and stop and look around. I found that the midlife basecamp is a remarkable place to be.
Tomorrow morning I’ll wake up, make pancakes for my family, and enjoy every remaining step that I have in my journey through life.
I hope you appreciate the ability to do the same!
https://www.myonrecord.com/blog/midlife-crisis-and-divorce-or-separation/
https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html
https://tim.blog/
https://thereadystate.com/
https://peterattiamd.com/
https://hubermanlab.com/
https://www.wichita.edu/services/mrc/OIR/Pedagogy/Theories/maslow.php#:~:text=Maslow's%20Hierarchy%20of%20Needs&text=From%20the%20bottom%20up%2C%20the,esteem%2C%20and%20self%2Dactualization.
